A little more Gratitude.

Since I was 16 I started off working in the restaurant business. Thinking it would be easy and I would enjoy it because my mom did. But I was wrong. I hated it ! Now Im working in two different places which I can say I love and enjoy very much. The environment and  people around me make the work place a whole lot better. 

The first place I started working at is at the East Boston YMCA. I have been here for almost three years, that is the longest I have ever lasted at a work place. Here I watch over kids from morning to afternoon. These kids bring a smile to my face when I'm having a rough day. Seeing how smart and how much they learn it a bitter sweet feeling. Most of these kids adore me and seeing how much I have impacted on their lives is great to know, parents always thank me for my time and patience, little do they know I should be thanking them for taking their kids to me and trusting me. Knowing  there is trust between myself and parents is great. Absolutely no words can describe how happy and grateful I am to have this job, its right up my alley. Because of the YMCA I'm in school going for my dream. They have helped me in ways other jobs haven't. 

I recently started off at a new job a few weeks ago at the Courtyard Marriott, also in East Boston as a housekeeper. The job itself is very difficult, yet I enjoy it a little too much. I think about it as a challenge. I have about 7.5 hours to clean about 14 rooms. Sounds pressuring and hard to do, but once I got the hang of it I managed to handle it all. The people at the hotel aren't as friendly as they are at the YMCA only because most are old and rude, since I'm the youngest they see me as a threat. Other than those ladies I get to focus on myself and what to do to make my job better and easier. I am grateful from his job only because the managers there are very lenient with school and my other job, and the pay is beyond great. Being on my own this was the one thing I needed. The job has given me whole lot in the past few weeks that I would have never thought I would have. It is honestly a great place to work at and I am grateful to be there.

I believe that where ever I am left working, I know I will be happy at either place. Both are financially helpful and both are economically best to work at in my case.

Hey yo check it 

My name is Nicole I'm 19 years ol'

I live in the east of Boston 

Where the sun always shines

hey don't hate on my lines.

From flipping the burgers,

To shaking the shakes, 

and waiting on people who wouldn hate.

Ive done it all !

Sitting those who be rude just cause 

they moody, don't be a classic judy !

Working with computers aint a joke,

I know all the moves on this game.

Time passed and Im with the rugrats,

 who sleep like bats.

floor one done, two and three..

the day will never end.

A Quick Prediction.

Plan A:

Beverly, Ma is where I will build my family. Far from the city and where I grew up, nothing bad with trying a new location. I will own a beautiful house with at least four rooms, a dining area, a large sized living room, a huge kitchen, and just everything that a house would need.
My husband and I will raise five kids and have two vicious dogs, we will also have a great amount of backyard space enough to have some family and friends over for cookouts in the summer.

On the weekdays I will be teaching at one of the kindergartens in Beverly where my days start early but end early also, enough time to spend with my kids, making dinner and doing homework with them. My husband won't work later than 5pm that way we can always have a family meal together. Financially I will be stable and so will my husband. Being able to buy anything when I need to but also have enough to pay my house and bills.

Life would be perfect, some ups and downs here and there but always getting through the tough parts.

A Twist ...

We all know that these future predictions may or may not happen the way we want it too or maybe it won't at all and only pieces of it happen. We have to live for what we have.

Five years later..

I have graduated college and have started a permanent position at a preschool as an assistant teacher, I'm living on my own and things are on the right track. Until I receive a phone call from my grandmother, her voice is joyful yet anxious. She starts to explain to me how my grandfather got approved from the judges in Peru and in the U.S for him to come back and start his life as a resident. Once I receive these news I knew for a fact that our lives were going to change and things were going to me amazing. My grandfather is our equator, he keeps us stable and happy. A month passes by and I'm at the airport .... waiting ... 20 mins later there he is, all smiles walking toward me. All I do is smile and cry. He finally gets to hug me and say " I'm back home." 

After having my grandfather back our lives got better. My family spent more time together and support for out lives grew stronger. I was able to be complete and fully happy again. Having my grandfather see my brother, my uncle, and myself succeed was the best feeling ever.

Plan B:

My assistant position didn't last at this elementary school because they didn't have enough in the budget to continue to pay for me. So I went on craigslist searched for new teaching positions but I had no luck. 

While browsing on craigslist I found an add for a nanny which paid amazingly, but it was all the way in Iowa. I had to move myself just to be able to stay on track. I didn't want to get into the restaurant business again or doing anything else that didn't involve kids. 

So I grabbed all my baggage and moved out to Iowa. There I had a place to stay which was financially acceptable. The nanny job included everything like food, a car, and a room in case I didn't have a place to stay. I wanted to continue to stay independent and manage my own necessities so the room wasn't necessary. 

This family was very wealthy and kind. They took me in as if they had already knew me. While nannying I kept looking for work back home (which is Boston) but I had no luck and started to give up. This twist in my life had become a lifestyle and left me living in Iowa and actually enjoying myself with new company and a new life. It was definitely nothing I wanted or had planned for but I had to continue my life. 

Grace

With every rain drop,

every sunshine,

and every leaf that fall

 the earth moves and changes everyday,

my life is slowly moving in directions I didn't know it could move in.

Time passes by,

slowly...

Yet I find myself lost.

The winds push and shove me in different ways,

Again I am lost.

I start to regain faith and hope,

Positivity is on my shoulders.

I get the sense of happiness and joy.

oh boy..

A path I know I could follow into my dreams.

A new life,

new beginning,

everything just seems so right. 

looking up at the light,

seems to me that I'm alive. 

What The Future Should Hold.

In order for my future plans and ideas to come about I have to graduate college with at least my bachelors degree in education. Once I have my degree I will look very hard for a position at any great school to get my motor going. Once I know I have a great job as a teacher I will continue to improve and teach these students everything they need to know (I hope). After I have had a set career I will fall madly in love with the man of my dreams, I am still working on how amazing he has to be. Then of course we will get married and honeymoon on the wonderful island of Hawaii for a good five days.   Before leaving for Hawaii we would have our brand new house under construction so what when we arrive back home we will have a wonderful home to call ours and start our enormous family. Once the family starts building up I will own two dogs. Bones which will be a big fat bulldog and stitch a small yorkie.  After struggling with owning one car and not being able to manage how to share the only car we have, I will my own Audi Q7 (yes, I dream big), The perfect mom/family car, if not then a Honda will do me justice. Either before I have kids or once my kids are on track with their lives I will travel to either Peru or Africa to teach kids who live in poverty english and the basics, also before having my kids I will go snorkeling and skydiving.  My Future is filled with a whole lot. This paragraph turned into a life plan that I will pursue.

A Visual.

When I look into the future
what is it I want for me?

Now I see
Now I see

I see my family out in the crowd,
Hugs, kisses and another diploma in my hand.

Now I see
Now I see

An empty room turned into my own

September comes and it will be filled with smiles.

Now I see
Now I see

He's on one knee,

Yes! I do!

 

Now I see
Now I see

Nine months later

a family is finally united.

Now I see
Now I see

A bark here and there
Bones and stitch have made it into the family also.

Now I see
Now I see

The kids are grown,

we are finally in a place where dreams do come true.

Now I see
Now I see

Life is slowly becoming a beautiful object.

Passion

The little boy to the left is Diego, one of the boys we help out.

My heart is set up as a huge one that cares a  bit too much, I'm passionate in helping those in need. Last year while being in Peru, I noticed a whole lot of poverty where I'm grandfather grew up. This place is called Zuñega, it is a really small town that has probably a population of 300 people maybe less. This is my favorite place to go because everyone is so nice & kind. The children there bring tears to my eyes because with anything that I bring them, whether it may be clothes or toys they just feel the love and thoughtfulness I bring. If I had all the money in the world I would do anything to build them a home and give them all the clothes they need. In the U.S you don't see much of this poverty because there are shelters and homes where people can stay, but over there there isn't as much. 

I can connect my passion by becoming an elementary school teacher. By becoming a teacher I can gain a whole lot of knowledge and help those kids in need of an education, they will learn more than what they do. With being trilingual I can do so much and I would connect this to those kids I get the chance to teach. Working at the YMCA also helps me get a glance on what I could be dealing with. I have gained knowledge from them that will become very useful. Working there makes me apart of the kids growing, I have some impact on them. One goal I have set for myself is that When I have enough knowledge I WILL go to Peru to teach these kids the basic. Whether its a week or a month I will impact their life.

If I could pick a service to work for, I would not know which one I would pick only because each service has so much to give. Im willing to give everything but they may not want that. What I would do is build myself a foundation where it would be somewhat like DCF ( department of children and families). Help those families who are in need of a place to stay or a shower and of course some food. Now DCF has been cutting their slack and have not been helping as much. If building my own foundation doesn't work then I would find my way into DCF and bettering their service. Like I said there is so much one can actually do for these people in need and so little that people won't want to do. Poverty is no joke and seeing people be so careless is hurtful. That is why anything that is possible to help those in need is better than nothing. Always taking advantage of what is in front of you and never take what you have for granted.

Poem



A never ending gift
that will always be there for my own
to always give those a lift.

A dirty face with a bright smile,
how do we ignore such beauty
Its how they style.

Actions better used than words
hugs and laughs is all they need
what more is this worth.

Such a cruel world,
careless and rude
its like living in a whirled pool.

My happiness is helping,
seeing those pearl whites
is over powering.

A must and justice to the people 
Poverty is not at all a curse or to blame 
It is surely the system's failure in sharing. 

Gratitude

Love. The number one thin I will always take for granted. I Get tough love from my boyfriend but that is all understanding on my view of the relationship. It's a love that won't compare to no other. Our relationship deals with a love that will always be taken for granted. We don't know how to grab right onto it and make it into something amazing. The love will always be special and important to me. But it will always be taken for granted. This tough love compared to my moms love differs a whole lot. Her love will always be unconditional and will always be forgiven. Often I make mistakes that just take so much to forgive but have the reassurance of her love is great. It's a love that gets taken for granted no matter what situation.

Without a doubt in my head I am truly grateful for my boyfriend. Ever since the huge drama with my ex-boyfriend, he has been a huge impact in my crazy life. With every step I take or decision I make, he is the only one who will advise and hold my hand throughout it all. We have been through tough times ourselves that it only makes us stronger and healthier. Now that I am living on my own, I get nothing but respect from him. He is someone that will always guide me into the right path. Whether he knows it's right or wrong he knows very well to lead me into the right path. Other than being my boyfriend he is a great friend and I can tell anything too. Nothing and no one will ever compare to him. I am grateful to have him in myife and I hope to have him for a longer time.

I can take in my thoughts much more and let it all out. A person can have so many thoughts that at times we just don't know where to put it all. There are times where I'm stuck in  a situation where I need to speak up but I won't speak up at the time. At work I'll have problems with a manager or someone I don't get along with and I won't speak up. Thats the main problem. I don't blab my thoughts to make changes. That goes for my boyfriend at times we'll argue but it won't go far because of me, nothing will get settled because I don't take the time to say what is truly important. I have to learn and take in what I have to respond or react when I'm in situations where its needed for me to do so. Its not easy for me to simple blab, I was never thought to do so. It runs in my family. With my family there was no communication what so ever, I guess that can be a reason to why I moved out and why us being in the same house can get annoying and bad at times. I know that it will eventually sink into me and I will speak what I think.

Five

The sun shining bright

flowers starting to bloom

spring is coming soon 

Early mornings

a tug on my blanket

the rugrat is up.

The wind blowing so hard

leaves flying everywhere 

when will it be warm.

A wonderful smile,

that I never see so often

brightens up my day.

two weeks, and she's off

a new journey without me.

I wish you luck mom.

Get Over It

As a human we all face many objects or obstacles that can become a fear. We must try to over come these fears in order to be sane. Some fears can revolve around our everyday life. I fear myself failing everyday. I wake up and realize that I have such a long day ahead of me. I just want to give up and make nothing out of myself. That is always in a moment thing. I know I want to succeed and go very far in life but there is always that small negativity in myself that with all this work it will wear off and I will fail. Failure is not joke, once you fail where do you go? How does someone pick up where they left off. I have failed at many things but currently my life is on the line and being made, failing would be the tear down of world. Right now at Bunkerhill everything seems to be very easy but once I get myself into a tougher college it'll be even tougher on me. Nothing will come easy, the fear of failing will overcome itself by proving to myself that I will be able to get through all of the bumps in this bumpy road.




 My biggest fear is a a silly fear that I believe I will never be able to get over. Im almost 20 years old and I cannot step foot into a science museum. Ever since kindergarten it became something I feared the most. What scares me is all the realistic animals and creatures staring at you. I have gone twice in my 20 years of life and those two times have been the worst days of my life. For my eighth grade trip we took a trip to this museum and I had forgotten how much I hated this place. The minute my friends wanted to go check out the dinosaurs I ran away crying and filled with anxiety. For the rest of that trip I stayed in the food court eating all alone. I think back to it and I absolutely hate the thought about it, I cannot imagine myself enjoying another trip there or being able to relax and observe whats great about it. My boyfriend finds it ridiculous that I'm this scared of walking into a place where it is all fake. Its all in my head to why I'm this scared but I just know in myself that I cannot go in there again. The worst part about all of this is that I want to become a first grade teacher and becoming a teacher means that I would have to take them and when that day comes, oh boy will I not be ready! 

Losing someone so important to me is the biggest fear I have to live with for the rest of my life. I am extremely close to my grandparents that losing either one of them will be the end of me. No one has any idea of how much I would give totem. I have lose a few family members that I have loved very much but the love does not amount to the love I have for my grandparents. Death is something you cannot get back, once it happens there is no way on going back. Not being able to fix what had happened or to be able to help out the situation will eat me alive. I have always told my grandmother that when she passes away, I'm going with her whether she likes it or not. Imagining a world without the person who has been there for your whole life is devastating to process in your head. At times these thoughts take out the best in me, just imagining myself alone with other the ones I love makes me fear it even more. We can't kill the thought of our fears or how we will overcome anythjng in our path. With strength and positivity anything can get done whether it can be fixed or not.

Fear me not 

Fear revolves all around us

How must we not fuss !

Overcoming such negativity 

When all we need is more positivity.

When failure happens 

It is there to stay

Everything stands in the way.

No more paying attention to making it better

What does it even matter? 

A dinosaur here and fossils there

So many creatures

GET ME OUT OF HERE !

A love so profound 

Why must you leave this bound.

When you part, I will be in pieces.  

How to pick up when your gone?

Take me with you, for I am done!

A never ending fear 

Always so near

Face it and you will become an extraordinaire. 

This Very Moment.

 

At this very moment I am sitting in my new room listening to Sam Smith, with my feet up and with the lights dimmed just to perfection. I have started a new chapter in this long life book. Moving out was pretty hard, thinking about not seeing my mom or brother everyday is tough. This is the first time in 10 years that I have my own space. Yeah thats a long time, but it was about time I spread my wings. 

This week was the first full week of classes since we started school. It was so hard waking up at 5am just to catch a damn train and arrive to class an hour early. The MBTA is so frustrating, you just do not know what to expect anymore.  Anyways, my classes are going pretty great and they are easy classes. I honestly wonder why I'm in these classes because I know exactly what I am doing, but hey improvement doesn't hurt me. Overall this week was pretty relaxing, I had a good four days off of both my jobs, which felt amazing ! But with Monday being a day away, it slowly becomes a terrible twist.

 I cannot believe that we are already in March, Feels like it was December last week. It is honestly baffling on how fast time is passing. Today I spent the last day of February pretty damn well. I cleaned up my room, bought some expensive furniture for my room (it is killing my wallet), and spent time with my wonderful boyfriend. I always look forward to Saturdays in general only because this is the only day we have to spend together other than Sunday's, but that day is always cut short. 

There isn't much on my mind, I'm pretty happy with life and the great support I have been getting from my mom. I guess you can say that she's on my mind. The picture I added is a Facebook post that she had posted up earlier today. I says the following ..

"Today my baby moved, its time for her to move on from being a baby to new adventures, the years pas and our kids grow and become independent. My heart is wrinkled with her decision, but I am so happy and proud because I know that she will get far in life. My fatty I love you with all my might, I miss you, I wish you the best in this new chapter of your life. Remember that I will always be here with anything that you need". 

While reading this and translating it, it touches my heart so much to know that I got very lucky to have such a great and understanding mother. I see how some people I know are with their mother and I just can't, I would never be able to disrespect or treat my mother like garbage, My mom is worth so much more than a diamond ring. She is honestly the best friend I could ever ask for. 

This free write has been the best assignment yet, only because I can just blab all over this blog. Now I shall write about my feelings on this class. Well I honestly wish I took more online classes, but I know that most of them wouldn't be this entertaining and creative. Waking up at 5am is a huge struggle but to just grab my laptop and relax whenever is SO much better! This class has made me start reading, I HATE reading so much, but this book is actually interesting and with the questions it just makes me want to read and understand the author much more. Well this free write was more than three paragraph, oops ! my apologies for making you read so much, I'm done now ! ADIOS 

When I stop, I notice

When I stop I notice

         how the day passes by

the birds can finally fly,
           the sun is out and the snow is melting,
melting like the cheese
            on a grilled cheese.

When I stop I notice
      the peace and silence I finally have.
My life is slowly shaping, 

      who knows what can come across this road.

amazingly I have the important ones to join me

        on my journey .      

When I stop I notice

       my heart racing by the look on his face,

So handsome and yet so perfect, 

      I stop and question what goes one in this long race

of love.

When I am in the moment 

     of giving up

I look up at those who expect me to be above all. 

    Yet not easy as said

 Always a bitter sweet feeling of feeling accomplished,

     never will I ever be abolished.

When I am in the moment 

      of writing a poem 

I feel lost and out of place,

     thankful to have my own thinking space.

Concentration is all I need.