Above All.

Ali, Livy, E, & Felipe.

Power.

Once I was able to work I went straight to it and got simple jobs, like working in fast food places. Going into my senior year of high school a friend of mine had said to me" Hey Nicole, I know you enjoy being with kids why don't you come into the Y and talk to Carlos?" I immediately accepted and went in. I had no application or resume to hand over to him. Carlos gave me a chance and gave me the chance to prove to him and the other YMCA staff that I was capable of handling kids. Weeks passed and he permanently gave me the job. I felt the power of being able to prove to those above me that I was capable of being with the children I enjoy the most.

Starting out on my first week, I was pretty anxious as always, only because I was watching over babies between 15 and 24 months. There were some babies who could barely walk or feed themselves, but one thing I do know was that they were all very smart. Whenever we would have lunch or snack they would all gather around the table excited to eat, banging the table and all in sync saying "PWEEEASSSEEE." Working with these kids was a pretty big step for me only because being around kids was my passion and being able to work and observe their actions was the best.

The way I felt power at work was having the ability to make them trust and love me. They grew onto me as I did to them. The minute I walk up the hall way and open that door all I can hear is "COLE" and a stampede of unbalanced babies running my way for a hug. I honestly cannot explain the feeling it gives me to be able to make nine babies listen and pay close attention to me when I say "No" or "Don't do this or that." 

These kids are the reason I smile everyday, I look forward to being in this environment and see what new thing they discover or say. They are all very wise in their own way. Sometimes I wonder how I was at their age. 

My love for children will continue to grow on me and I expect myself to continue in this path and learn what I can each day from them.

Powerless.

Graduating high school I thought that things were going to be a piece of cake. I'll take a semester off, work, and pick up with school next semester. That was probably the biggest mistake I could have ever made. I worked and worked everyday, made my money and had my own time to be lazy. Once September came around and I saw all of my friends getting ready to move into school and I saw pictures of them with new friends and just so much positivity. I was home, lazy, and being fat most of the time. I could have been them, I could have had new friends, and I could have started something new with myself.

The minute I noticed that I wanted to be in school, I went onto the BHCC website to see if I could sign up for classes. I was having such a hard time doing so that I cried for help to my boyfriend and he kept trying to help me until he noticed that I was not able to sign up for anything until I took my placement test. I had so much time on my hands during the summer that I just did not care and waited off for everything.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I cried and cried to my boyfriend so much because I jumped to the conclusion of myself being a huge failure and I was extremely negative on myself. I saw that there was no hope in myself becoming a teacher or getting my degree. I knew that I was going  to attend school eventually but I wanted that time more than ever. Bringing myself down was no help, but on top of that my family was also bringing me down. My grandmother would always tell me that I was going to give up, I was not going to go to school, and that I was going to be a failure. She was the one person I could never go to because she would be very negative. Even though the reason I'm in school now is because of her. I understand that she wanted the best for me, but at that point in my life, I saw nothing but a dead end.

September passed and I got a phone call from my aunt. She is someone who knows a lot about schools, much more than my family. She offered me breakfast to talk about my future plans. We went to Donna's Diner in Orient Heights, had a delicious meal and talked a whole lot. I had told her my plans of becoming a teacher and how I felt for not starting school with my friends. She told me that taking a semester of was not going to harm me in any way, she said it was good that I made that choice. From that day on she helped me make a plan, apply for school, and get everything that I needed done.

Now Im a full time student at BHCC and working two jobs. At times I feel overwhelmed with how college is but I always tell myself that it will all be worth it in the end.

Keeping the Strength.

Harnessing my strength is basic to do. I try to forget the negativity that is going on around me and I focus on what is in front of me. I usually work so that helps me to get my mind off things. But if I were to pick something specific to help me, then of would definitely be knitting. Nothing will help me keep myself at ease but to knit.

I learned how to knit back when I was spending time in Peru. I did not attend school or have friends so my grandmother taught me how to knit. We would always sit down watch tv and knit. At the age of nine I felt like an old lady. Knitting till this day helps me out so much with relaxing and just focus on what string is going where. If knitting brought in some money for me, then that would be my ideal part time job.

When I was at my weakest I had the ears and shoulders from others but that was not enough to help me go on. I had knitting as an escape from the chit chatting everyone had to say to me. Being in a room with Sam Smith on blast, yarn, and my knitting sticks is the perfect get away for me. Nothing can beat that feeling. Knitting is my drug.






When I Was A Limitless Child.
When I was a limitless child
                I would always dance to the
       spice girls without a
care in the world,
             just me and my girls.
  I had no worries
                           or
                responsibilities.
Summer days
         were the most exciting.
Sneaking into
                     the black yard
was the best times yet
         making rounds of
                  kickball worth the risk.

When I was a limitless child
        being under the table
took us into
                outer space,
an imagination
                so enormous
                           who could understand us.
Summer days
           nothing got in
the way
            of us getting
      our daily slush and fries

When I was a limitless child
      I was living
a great
             Life.