Starting off high school I felt like a lost puppy. I barely had friends, the only person I knew was my cousin. She made me join the JROTC drill team that was at 6am... EVERYDAY! I went for two weeks and then once I started missing my sleep I stopped going. I wasn't into the team as much as she was.
Until one day I get a Facebook message from a cutie that was on the team. He convinced me to start going and of course I did. Slowly the drill team became something I enjoyed doing, it was something new and random.
The drill team became my new friends, especially the cutie. We would hang out on the weekends with the team and talk everyday. There was one day when he decided to walk me home and he noticed that he lived right down the street, we found it great because we could hang out a lot more ... as friends. What we had was a very strong friendship. The cutie had a crush on my cousin thats why I did not bother with falling for him. And yet of course I did, only because my cousin had a boyfriend so I decided to give it a shot.
We went out secretly because he did not want anyone knowing what we had, I went along with it only because I did not know better. This was the first real relationship I had ever gotten myself into. I saw the cutie as someone so amazing and someone I wanted to be with for a long time. We had the same group of friends, we enjoyed each others company, and we lived close by.
Freshmen year ended and he graduated, his plans were to be in the Army after school and thats exactly what he did. He left for six months and in those six months I found out so much things that he had done behind my back. Mind you we did not claim each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, we were in the "Talking" stage. He did not want to make anything serious since he was leaving, I refused to move on.
The things I found out involved so many other females that I had no idea it was all going on. Since we were so secretive no one knew about me. So the cutie went around and pleased whatever he wanted with these females. I felt used and abused by him. I was broken in many pieces and the worst thing about it was that I couldn't see him to give him a huge slap in the face. All I could do was write angry letters to him, which he responded but apologizing and saying that he was not right for me. I agreed 100% with him on that.
The six months passed by and I stopped writing to him. He got home for Thanksgiving and I saw him at a soccer game, worse gut feeling ever. So much emotions going all over me. After the game we talked and ended things on a good note. We became friends but nothing like the way it was before.
My lesson was learned to never trust someone who wants to be in a secret relationship and to always communicate any feelings. Its pretty tough going from such a rough relationship to one where everything is perfect. The cutie did something that opened my eyes to see how I should view the guys that come across me. Now I see myself as someone who can place their foot down to a guy when he will try to disrespect me. This whole first love was true in my eyes until I knew what was hiding behind the cuteness.
In my relationship now things are healthy its all equal and nothing is hidden from each other. All the mistakes I made with the cutie, I'm recovering now with my boyfriend. I thank him for teaching me a lesson and shaping me.
The Sun's shining essence
is always just one;
but its rays spread out
and show it as many.
Each created thing
is like a colored lamp
of the Sun
sometimes very damp
The essence is one,
but the attributes many.
we never know
what can come our way,
all we have to do is stand tall
and be all in for whatever
appears
no more fears
the steps taken are like an open book
may seem hard to look,
but we will all find that
one emerald across our path
that will change our view.
ALCHEMY
is always just one;
but its rays spread out
and show it as many.
Each created thing
is like a colored lamp
of the Sun
sometimes very damp
The essence is one,
but the attributes many.
we never know
what can come our way,
all we have to do is stand tall
and be all in for whatever
appears
no more fears
the steps taken are like an open book
may seem hard to look,
but we will all find that
one emerald across our path
that will change our view.
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteGood post. I really like the emoji - themed design of the images that you inserted here. I like the congruency.
Your story is very real, and I think most people can relate to a similar relationship in there developmental phase (while young). Ok, that developmental phase never ends (secret of life), but you know...
Your story is well crafted and very well written. I like where you placed your paragraph breaks, and your self-analysis explains well how this initial tragedy ends with greater insight into yourself, your power, and your ability to advocate for yourself in relationships.
It's weird how we have to almost thank these people - they forced us to learn.
Your poem is good this week. I like the imagery. The lamp part is great (although the damp part seems to come from left field). But overall, I like where you're taking your poetry. You're getting more abstract, more imaginative. Let's see where that will take you. Find the balance between imagery/abstraction and lines that make complete sense (the clinchers).
Overall, I see some great improvements. You're taking chances, and you're winning.
GR: 94