I am writing you this letter because I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you have done for me. It is amazes me that you were only 20 years old when you had me, and that you changed your life for me and my brother. I am forever in your debt. My goal in life is to be able to give you everything you weren't able to have. You are my motivation to go to school and work hard.
The knowledge and wisdom you have placed upon me has been amazing support throughout my life. I have always looked up to you. I knew as a little girl that I wanted to grow up to be just like my mom. As I started growing I noticed all of the obstacles that you have faced and all the pain you felt in certain situations. Seeing how you handled every little thing that came you way was great to learn from. After so much you still managed to stay strong and have a smile on your face. Having you as an example to learn from is what I am most grateful for.
Now we are both reaching a chapter in our lives where we will both be apart from each other. We may not see each other everyday but I do know that I will love you for eternity no matter where you are. I will always be here the way you were there for me. I am who I am because of you. Thank you so much for being an amazing mother who makes mistakes but who learns from them. You are truly the best person in my life.
With LOTS of love,
Nicole.
"This Goes Out to The Beautiful Girls"
(To Jane, Kira, and Daniella)
With the knock on the door
all I can see is the three of you and no more.
A bond that will never be replaced
taking everyday with a slow pace.
Growing up was never easy
But with you ladies by my side, it was cheesey.
Cousins by force,
best friends by choice.
Thank you for being there for me.
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteGood post. I really like the sincerity in which you use to fuel your letter to your mother. Did you give this letter to her? I bet she'd truly appreciate it.
I like the picture that you chose to lead off your post. Instant nostalgia. It catches the eye of the reader and draws them right in to some sort of past that we've all experienced. Ah, the beach!
My suggestions for improvement: write more.
Your post is excellent. Simple, yet straightforward. I'd like to see you simply write more. Let things flow right out. This letter is beautifully crafted, but it seems to be too careful. Too surface level. Try to turn its Hallmark card-ness into something more raw and a lot more specific. See if you can thank your mom for a very specific thing. Tell a story that was real. Give an example that shows the intimacy of your relationship. What did she whisper to you, to only you? (figuratively)
Try to go a little deeper.
Your poem is good, but it also needs to be longer and more expressive. I like that you chose to write about your cousins - that is very sweet. This poem should be 3x as long. This seems like just the fist stanza (of 4). Go nuts. Write more. Go crazy with imagery and laughter in a poem like this. Express things through finer detail. Tell stories. Share moments that are super specific. I'd like to see you write with less control and more wild creativity.
Got it? I know you do.
GR: 80